Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Tip Of The Month

Going On A Date? The Biggest Mistake Most People Make On The First Date

Going on a date can be nerve racking. Everyone knows you only get one chance to make a great first impression. Not only that, many people in the dating world say they know if things have a possibility to move forward into a relationship… Within The First Few Minutes Of The Date!!! You’ve probably heard this. “I’m looking for that spark, fireworks, butterflies in my stomach, chemistry, and I know instantly when it’s there.” Clearly, many people these days are looking for things that don’t exist. They see an internet dating commercial where two people describe a fairytale encounter and think that’s what they should have too. Problem is – that’s a commercial. Know this: Fairytales are make-believe. Expecting to go on an internet site (or anywhere else) and find your “perfect match” or Prince Charming that is going to sweep you off your feet and solve all your worldly problems is simply not living in the real world. It is also setting you up for a lifetime of bitter disappointment. Many people like to say, “I will not settle.” But the real question is, won’t settle for what? Bottom line is: everyone is human. Everyone has flaws, including the “perfect” person who “won’t settle.” We all must settle in our lives in certain ways. We all must do things we do not want to do. That also goes for building and maintaining a quality relationship – whether it be friendship or romance. Realizing everyone is human, has flaws, and is probably nervous – no matter how “cool” they seem is the first step in dating success and relationship building. Giving someone 3 minutes to impress you before you open or close your mind is unrealistic. Since perception is reality, it is always in your best interest to make the best first impression you can. A lot of that first impression has to do with where you go and what you do on your first date. Here is rule #1 about the first date and first impressions in general: Don’t do what others do. Here’s why: We all have a past. That past makes up how we perceive things in the present. We cannot escape our psychology. For example, if a woman or man has been on several bad first dates that all consisted of a dinner and a movie, would it make sense to do the same? Of course not. Doing something you have already had bad experiences with will only remind you of those bad experiences. It makes this first date just like all the other miserable ones right from the beginning. It instantly brings out the “Here we go again” reaction. Instead, the secret is: DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT! Even if you have no clue what to do – doing just about anything new will give you better odds of success than not doing what has already failed many, many times. What’s that? You want some examples? That’s what everyone always wants – they want to be told the perfect first date. In reality, there is no cookie-cutter first date. Why not? Because… it all depends on YOU. What kind of personality do you have? What things do you like to do? Your first date should expose your date to at least some of these things. Your date should see how wonderful your personality is and the fun things you like to do with your life. That is, if you have a great personality and do fun things! Think about how you meet new friends and grow those relationships. Do you talk on the phone once or twice and then put yourselves in and awkward position like dinner and a movie? No! You usually meet doing common interest activities and grow the relationship from there. Why is “dating” any different? Having realistic expectations, giving someone a chance and not doing the typical “dating thing” really can produce dramatic results.

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